Monday, May 26, 2008

English is a crazy language.

English is a crazy language. There's no egg in eggplant, no ham in
hamburger, neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins
weren't invented in England, nor French fries in France. Sweetmeats
are candies while sweetbreads aren't sweet and they sure aren't made
of bread.

Quicksand works slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is
neither from Guinea nor a pig. You can make amends but not one amend.
If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of
them, what do you call it? If teachers taught, why didn't preachers
praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Or
ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Park in a driveway, and drive on
a parkway? Have noses that run and feet that smell? How can a slim
chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy
are opposites?

How can your house burn up as it burns down, how can you fill in a
form by filling it out, how can an alarm go off by going on?

It drives people crazy trying to learn to speak English. Here are
some reasons why:

The bandage was wound around the wound.

The farm was used to produce produce.

The garbage dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

He could lead if he would get the lead out.

The soldier decided to desert from the army in the desert.

When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

I did not object to being the object of her affection.

The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

They were too close to the door to close it.

The buck does funny things when the does are present.

The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

After a number of injections my jaw got number.

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the
creativity of the human race, which (of course) is not a race at all.
That's why when the stars are out they're visible, but when the lights
are out they're invisible.

P.S. Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

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